What is Love?
by Lynx Hates Everything
Summary: Madoka and Homura adjust to living together, and finally settle into happiness when Madoka reveals she knows more than she was letting on. MadoHomu
1. Everything is Fixed Now

This fic is actually finished and will update every day or two as I edit until all of it is posted. Everything is completely unrelated to Rebellion canon, and this was started before it came out. Post-series, not quite AU but more of a far-fetched "what if" follow up.

Warnings for depictions of emotional and physical domestic violence in future chapters. None of that is okay, and nothing portrayed is condoned. If this is something that bothers you, turn back and don't read this.

Heavily inspired (and egged on) by Nightfoot's Shattered. If you like this and you like Tales of Vesperia, go check that out.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Everything is Fixed Now**

"Don't worry, it's just like having a sleepover!" Madoka giggled and held Homura's hand tightly. "But it lasts forever."

Homura squeezed her hand back in response, awkwardly leaning into the arm of the couch away from her. Forever. It didn't feel real until now, the few years it took to get to this point were quick compared to how long she spent trapped in that repeating month, but here they were, out of school and living together.

"Isn't that great?" She leaned in towards her as she scooted away. "You don't need to be so scared."

"Yeah." It really was great. This wasn't like being at one of their parents' houses before, it was _their _place. But she found it hard to speak, or breathe, or even look at Madoka.

"What's wrong?" Madoka leaned in further, inches from her face. "Is this not what you wanted?"

"Ah…." Her face flushed and she looked away. It _was _what she wanted! She wanted this, this whole time, but now that they were right there so close together, nobody to interrupt them, she wasn't sure what to do with herself.

"Hey." She curled her fingers around the back of her neck and surprised her with a quick kiss. "Relax, nothing's going to happen."

"You're right." Perhaps it was lingering nerves from any previous time they were together, and the unfortunate results of doors without locks. This wasn't her parents' couch they were on, it was theirs. Not in her parents' living room, it was theirs.

"You should smile more often, you're cuter when you smile." She smiled widely, trying to get one out of her.

Homura grinned involuntarily; she always had the most contagious smile. "I'll try."

"It's getting late, don't you think?" They had spent the day busy and arranging rooms, taking full advantage of their inability to become physically exhausted. But each night they still needed to sleep.

She gripped the edge of her shirt. "Yeah." They'd stayed together countless times before, but never alone like this. There was always somebody in another room when they woke up, suggesting that they knew more than they were letting on. Nobody was going to do that here.

"Come on, I'm going to get changed." She stood and left, checking that she was following. "Isn't this exciting?"

"Of course." She tried her hardest to sound as excited as she was, but it was almost hard to even hear herself over the sound of her heart pounding. Her focus was on how short her breath was, how sweaty her hands were, and how much she just wanted to lay down and pull the covers over her head and hide until her nerves settled.

"Stop sounding so upset then." She turned around and grabbed her wrist with both hands, half pulling her into their room.

"I'm not upset." Her voice shook too much to be convincing.

Madoka gave her a stern look, between warning and concern. "If something is bothering you, then you have to tell me. Even if you're just nervous, just say something."

"That's all." She rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand. "It's just…it's the first night."

"You don't have to be nervous when I'm here." Madoka pulled her closer, wrapping her arms around her waist and looking up at her. "We've done scarier things than being alone for a night."

"I'm not scared," she said, indignant. Scared and nervous were two wholly different feelings. Facing a witch, the Incubator, even Walpurgisnacht, those were things she had done calmly even when scared of failure. This was nothing like that.

"Then act like it." She released her from the hug and stepped back into their room. "If you go to sleep now, you'll wake up feeling better that much sooner!"

That made sense. They would go to sleep and she could worry about this in the morning after clearing her head. And by that point, she wouldn't need to worry about it because it would be over.

They were settled into bed quickly, Madoka eager to cuddle the sleeping hours away and nearly pinning Homura under the covers when she joined her. Tangled in each other's arms in a mess of tangled hair and blankets, it didn't take long for Madoka to doze off, face settled in the crook of her neck. It really was late, but they could sleep in. Nobody was going to wake them up and make them come down to breakfast with the rest of the family, even if it was typically Madoka who was guilty of that.

She didn't get to sleep as easily as Madoka did. The time on the alarm clock showed later and later every time she checked, but sleeping was impossible. Not when her heartbeat was at such a dangerously-fast pace and she was so aware of every breath and small movement against her skin. Some time during the past several hours, Madoka had resituated and was tucked against her side, using her shoulder as a pillow.

"Homura-chan." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Ah, are you awake too?" She wouldn't feel as bad if she wasn't the only one having trouble sleeping.

"Nnh." Madoka's face twitched slightly and she buried her nose against her skin.

Homura sat up and shook her shoulder a little, worried she might be having a nightmare. "Are you okay?"

Madoka stretched her arms outwards and pulled her into a hug almost too strong for somebody who should be asleep. "Homura-chan…." She pushed her face back into her neck after she moved away.

"What is it?" It looked like she was talking in her sleep, but that wasn't something she had done before.

"Mmph." If she heard her speak, she didn't make any move to say so. "I love you."

Homura pulled the covers up closer to her face and buried it. She wasn't sure how to handle this sort of late-night confession. Typically they would both be conscious and aware of what they were saying when speaking, but she was dead asleep. Her face was so peaceful, and she mumbled incoherently to herself.

"Don't go." She held onto her a little tighter and ran her fingers along her side lightly in a twitching motion.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said, despite her not being able to hear her. She wrapped her arm around her as best as she could without moving her around.

"Really love you. Love you a lot." Madoka continued on, insisting as if she was being rejected in her dream.

"Shhh." She rubbed her back and tried to chase away any troublesome thoughts that might've been in her head. Maybe her voice would get through and relax her.

Madoka's grip tightened, but she quieted down, muttering something she couldn't understand. She did pick up a strained, "I don't want that."

"What don't you want?" She seemed to be reacting to her, at least.

"Don't get hurt. Not again." Homura's heart skipped. It was something she'd heard and said many times in the past, when repeating that month, but not since that was over.

"Nobody is getting hurt anymore." She rolled over enough to wrap both arms around her.

"It's because I love you." Her dream must have been particularly vivid if she was this coherent.

"Yes, you saved us, everything is fixed now." Whatever was going on, she relaxed at the sound of her voice each time. It was odd, holding an entire conversation like this when half the participants were asleep, but it made the previously-quiet night a little less lonely.

"Mm, I'll fix it." Her hand, which was previously stroking her skin, fell limp along with the rest of her. She was heavy on Homura's arm, and it would more than likely lose all circulation and become uncomfortable. But she stayed where she was, finally able to fall asleep holding her like this.

* * *

"Good morning, Homura-chan." She woke up to find Madoka right up against her face, head on her pillow as close as she could be without bumping their foreheads together.

Homura rubbed her eyes sleepily, pulling the covers up closer to her face. She couldn't say she had any complaints about waking up to that smile, but it scrambled her still-tired brain too much to speak. It was a mental struggle between waking up and processing what was around her.

"Did you sleep well?" She brushed her bangs out of her face and rubbed her thumb along her cheek. "You were so nervous last night, I worried you'd still be awake now."

She was only able to nod her head in response. Did she not know she spoke so coherently in her sleep? Was she supposed to tell her that she did? Of course, even if she was going to tell her, she wasn't in any state to do so.

"I'm glad." She scooted over and closed the inches-wide gap between them, pressing their bodies together. "I can feel your heartbeat from here."

Homura wasn't aware of it until she pointed it out, but she could feel it getting faster as soon as she became conscious of it. She pushed herself into her and stayed silent, pulling her into a loose hug. Madoka wrapped one arm around her waist, and the other over her side as she stroked her hair from her neck down to her back.

"Take as long as you need." She giggled as she hugged her. Homura wanted to tell her she was totally fine, but if she couldn't even say that, she probably wasn't fine. And this felt nice, laying here just enjoying her company. It couldn't hurt to just stay like this a little longer.

Hours could have passed and she didn't notice. She nearly dozed several times, and might have, but Madoka never said anything, only holding her for the time. "Are you feeling better now?" Madoka broke the silence first.

"Yeah. Good morning." From the sun coming in through the window, it was probably too close to noon to say good morning.

"How was your night?" She broke the hug to give her room to stretch.

"It was fine." If fine meant shooting between stressful and just short of heaven, that would be the truth.

"You slept a lot longer than I did. Did you have trouble falling asleep?"

"You should've gotten up, then." She felt guilty taking so long to wake up if she was just going to stay there patiently.

"No I wanted to see you when you woke up. It was worth it." She smiled even more brightly.

"Do you usually talk in your sleep?" She decided to get this cleared up immediately.

"In my sleep?" Madoka tilted her head in thought. "I don't think so, why?"

So she wasn't aware of it, then. "Don't worry, you were just talking to yourself."

"Ah, I'm sorry, did I keep you awake?" She looked concerned, but not as much as she as curious. "What did I say?"

"Nothing, it was hard to make out." She wasn't sure if she would be embarrassed to hear her own late-night confessions. In any case, she would be just by telling her about them.

"That's too bad. I was having a great dream." She looked disappointed.

"You're sure? It almost sounded like a nightmare." If that was what happened, she would feel better knowing she wasn't being troubled in her sleep.

"No, it was wonderful. You were in it." She stretched upwards and pushed herself upright, leaning against the wall. Her hair was messy and her clothes were wrinkled from moving so much in her sleep, but she never stopped being gorgeous even when so untidy.

Homura followed her, body already able to move freely but mentally wanting to go back under the sheets and have a lazy day. They could get away with it, too. But Madoka apparently had other plans, as she stood and stretched her back.

"What do you want for breakfast?" she asked, turning to see her.

"Anything." She wasn't picky enough to reject anything, especially if she was going to make it.

"I think we have rice here…." Madoka thought about what they had in their kitchen already. They hadn't done much in the way of shopping yet.

"Isn't it getting late for breakfast?" If they waited a little longer, they could just have lunch and skip the trouble of cleaning after themselves for a meal.

"But I want to make breakfast for you, like Papa would for my family." She held her hands together over her chest and pouted.

"Alright, if you want." She couldn't say no if she wanted to do so that badly. "Let me help you."

"No, I have to make it for you today." She changed into clothes more suitable for the day time and ran a brush through her long hair. Homura followed her routine as she verbally considered what to make.

By the time Madoka had finally decided – she sat with Homura to watch the news as she considered options – noon had crept up on her. "What do we do now? It's too late for breakfast." She looked like she was going to cry at her own failure, as minor as it was.

"It's fine, we can go out somewhere." She held a hand on her shoulder in as comforting a manner as she could.

"You really don't mind?" As disappointed as she looked in herself, she was clearly more worried about Homura's opinion.

"We can go wherever you want, and you can make breakfast tomorrow. I'll wake up earlier for you." She normally was awake much earlier, but never had that much trouble getting to sleep.

"Alright." She reluctantly stood off the couch.

"If it helps, you can think of it as a date."

Madoka grinned, apparently liking that idea. "It definitely helps."


	2. That's Her Responsibility

**Chapter 2: That's Her Responsibility**

The last thing Homura expected in the middle of the week was a text message from a friend from high school. She had fallen out of contact with everybody she used to speak with, other magical girls aside, since graduating. Apparently this was the case with several other girls she used to talk to in and between classes, and they had planned a day out to catch up.

"Is this Nagaya-san?" She returned the call as soon as she noticed the text.

"Akemi-chan! How are you?" Noriko sounded excited to hear from her, as would be expected. It had probably been a few years since they had seen each other in person.

"I'm fine, how have you been?" Speaking to her had been more exciting than she'd thought it would be. Before, she would speak with Mami and Kyoko, but they had eventually died and ascended to the paradise Madoka created for magical girls. She was capable of transferring messages between the worlds, but she hadn't actually seen them since then.

"Who's are you talking to?" Madoka poked her head into the living room when she heard her speaking.

"Someone from high school." She covered the receiver end of the phone with her hand.

"Am I interrupting something?" She must have heard her talking to her.

"No, it's nothing, my girlfriend just asked who I was speaking to." Madoka hadn't gone to high school with her, and had only recently come back to this plane of existence.

"Ah, you finally found someone?" she pried.

"We moved in together a few weeks ago." Homura glanced back towards the hallway, but Madoka was already back in the bedroom.

"Oh that's great! You should invite her tonight!"

"Would that be okay?" She didn't want to be the cause of plans changing, but it would be nice if Madoka could meet her old friends. They spoke together about them before she was really back, but she had never known them herself.

"Yeah, I'm sure the others won't mind. Takahashi-chan is bringing her fiancée along, too."

"She's already engaged?" It really had been a long time since she spoke with them. They were all in the same year of high school, but that meant she was ready to marry at her age. That wasn't something she often thought about, she was already living with Madoka but they had no time for anything so mundane.

"She says he's a great guy, but we'll have to watch out for her. Do you remember Owata-kun?" She laughed at an old memory.

"Of course." She laughed with her, but had actually forgotten what event went with that name. Years of fighting wraiths made some memories fuzzier than they should be at her age.

"Hold on, sorry, Ozeki-chan is calling. Text me if you want to know more, but definitely bring that new girlfriend!" She spoke quickly to get off the line in time to answer the call.

"Of course, I'll tell her about it. Bye." She hung up, searching for the information in her text messages as she went back into the bedroom to find Madoka.

"Are you off the phone?" she asked when she entered. She was still in her pajamas and was lying in bed again.

"Yeah, we're going out tonight." She put her phone back down on the desk and sat on the edge of the bed. Usually Madoka was awake and active by now.

"Where?"

"My friends from high school are getting together, you're invited." She leaned over and put her hand over hers.

"Ah…." She trailed off, looking away. "I don't think we should go."

"Why? Nagaya-san sounded excited to meet you." And she was excited for them to meet each other, too.

"I just don't think it's a good idea."

Homura tilted her head in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"I'm feeling really sick actually." She didn't look or sound terribly sick, but she was still in bed this late.

"Are you going to be alright?" Homura felt her forehead. She really did feel too warm, that couldn't be good.

"I don't know, it's hard to walk."

"I didn't even know you could get sick." She never once got sick ever since making the contract. "You can't heal it?"

"I tried." She sniffled and pulled the sheet up to her nose. "Please don't leave me alone."

Homura channeled enough magic to heal her as she would for anything, but Madoka coughed violently. "Sorry, I thought that would work."

Madoka glanced at her quietly, face cast downward. "It's fine."

"So umm…." She realized that she hadn't been sick in so long she wasn't entirely sure what to do. "Do you need anything?"

"Just your company." She reached up and took her hand, holding it close to her chest. "I'm not sure."

"I can do that." She reached over for her phone, sending a text apologizing that she couldn't make it because Madoka was sick and needed her attention.

"I'm sorry this ruined your plans." Madoka squeezed her hand and moved over to make room for her.

"No, if you're really sick, it has to be serious." This was worrying, because she could be in real danger if this cold affected her. They went through too much for her to get taken out by a common virus. She slid under the covers with her and allowed her to wrap herself around her. It was worth the risk to get just as sick if it would make her feel a little better.

"Thanks, Homura-chan." As predicted, she threw herself against her the instant she settled in.

"Do you want anything to eat?" She _did _know soup was good. They had miso paste and ginger in the fridge, that was common enough knowledge.

She shook her head. "Nothing right now."

"Tell me when you do get hungry, okay?" It couldn't be healthy for her to skip meals, she would need food to get better.

"I will, thank you." She lied still and just stayed up against her, soft breathing occasionally broken up by a coughing fit or uncomfortable groan.

Homura's phone buzzed, alerting her to the response text. "That's too bad, I hope she gets better! We'll do this another time for sure." So that was settled.

"What was that?" Madoka pushed herself up just enough to try to peek over her shoulder, holding her side for support.

"She said she got my last text, it's nothing. How are you doing?" She was feeling perfectly fine, but failing to know what she was supposed to do to make her feel any better. It made her feel a little guilty that all she could do was lay there with an arm around her.

"I'm fine if I just lay here with you." That was something else she knew about sickness. She would have to lay in bed and relax as much as she could so that her body could focus on fighting it off.

"Do you want something to drink?" She was already sitting up, so she might as well get something now instead up leaving her again later.

"That would be nice." Madoka let go of her to let her up. "Come back soon, okay?"

"I won't be long." She left to get her a glass of juice from the fridge. As long as she was able to move freely, she was going to take care of her as long as it took for her to recover.

* * *

"We don't go out often enough," Madoka said one day.

"What do you mean?" Homura had assumed that by living together, everything they did was basically "going out." Any time they went shopping, they were technically going out together.

"Like a date. We don't do that anymore." She leaned over the back of the couch to lay over Homura's shoulder and pouted.

"There's no reason we can't." She thought about it, and realized she wasn't sure why they stopped, short of the fact that seeing each other was no longer a novelty. They were already together all the time, and she didn't feel they needed a special event to appreciate each other's company.

"I like it when we do, so I think we should do it more often," she reasoned.

"How about tonight?" They didn't have any plans yet, so tonight was a good time for it.

"Really?" Madoka perked up.

"Sure, there's that new place that opened up down the street." She wasn't particularly interested in it, but Madoka was always curious about new things. A new restaurant sounded like a guaranteed way to make her happy.

Her excited smile indicated that she was right. Madoka pulled herself over the couch to flop next to her. "That's a great idea!"

The rest of their day was as routine as always, although Madoka seemed particularly affectionate. At every opportunity she would lean in for a hug, or a quick kiss on the cheek, or just brush her hand against hers, and giggle every time Homura became too flustered to react beyond a blush or returning the gesture. She decided that going out like they used to was a great idea, even if she was interrupted by random contact every few minutes.

They agreed, as per Madoka's request, to dress as nicely as they could for the occasion. It was hardly a high-end restaurant, but that didn't stop her from asking. As she said, "You look really nice when you dress up, and I want people to know we're together." She was easily convinced when Madoka gave her, her biggest puppy dog eyes.

"I'll help you with your hair." Madoka stood in front of her and reached up, helping her part her bangs. "You should sit down," she said after realizing she wasn't tall enough to be any better at it.

"Thanks." Homura kept her head down, quietly letting her fuss with it.

Madoka put her hand under her chin and lifted it up so that she was looking at her. "It's hard to help you if I can't see it, silly."

She stared at her as she did, staying as still as possible until Madoka got her hair the way she wanted it. "There, now it's not sticking up here." But when she moved to stand up, Madoka held her down by her shoulders and bumped their foreheads together.

"What are you-" Madoka quieted her by holding a finger to her lips.

"First to blink loses." She smiled, carefully keeping her eyes wide open.

It was the last thing Homura expected, but she had developed an impressive poker face. She stared back as if this was something that was planned, trying her best to not become too intimidated with Madoka's face directly in hers. They were so close she could even feel her breath on her face, but she stared back calmly. She wasn't going to lose a silly game.

"Aww, I thought you'd lose right there." Madoka dropped her shoulders down sulkily.

"You'll have to try harder than that," she teased back, but it took more effort than she was proud of to speak clearly. Although she couldn't help but feel a little happy that she kept her cool when Madoka thought she would be too nervous to play.

"That isn't a problem." She grinned a little more widely and backed off a few inches, pulling her up by the waist as she hugged her. "We have to go soon."

Homura started to speak but decided against it, narrowing her eyes. Madoka was incredibly distracting and she didn't trust her voice. She had spent so long perfecting an endless, unblinking stare that she questioned why she would even start this with her.

Madoka frowned, clearly disappointed that she couldn't beat her with that unexpected hug. "Do you ever think about how even after everything you went through, I still died to save both of us?"

It felt like her heart sunk. Of course she thought about that, but not for a few years now. Because Madoka was back. It weighed so heavily on her conscious before that if she had just given up, Madoka would have died, but there were times even she agreed death would have been preferable to those 12 years of hell. Madoka never asked for that, but she did it anyways because she wanted her to be saved.

Madoka squeezed her eyes shut and laughed, wiping tears out of the corner of her eye. "I win." Homura must have blinked in those seconds that she spaced out. Her own eyes itched and watered as they tried to refresh themselves from being so dry.

"Yeah, good job." That seemed like a rather extreme way to win a harmless game.

"Come on, we don't want to be late." She released her and turned back to the mirror to check herself over once more. Any malevolent will that could have been in that reminder faded in an instant, like a joke that she just didn't understand.

That one statement aside, the night was as perfect as she could have hoped for. By the end of the date, she almost wondered if it had happened at all and if her nerves were getting the best of her. But even so, if every time they went out they would have that much fun, it was something she would want to do more often.

* * *

When Homura woke up, she found the bed empty. Madoka always did her best to stay in the bedroom in the rare occasion she woke up first. She wasn't in any other room either, no notes left, no missed calls or text messages. Just an empty apartment building except for the uninvited visitor sitting on the couch.

"What did you want, Incubator?" She felt it was too early in the morning to deal with him.

"_I just came to see how you two are doing, is that so condemnable?_" He looked at her as innocently as he was capable.

"Then you can leave now that you know we're still alive." He had been far more personable that before in this new universe, but she could never bring herself to be kind to him.

"_Well, that's not _all _this is about._" He flicked his tail at her like an annoyed cat. "_I was hoping to speak to Madoka. You two have lived longer than any magical girl could even imagine, and I suspect her power may be the cause._"

"She's not here." Maybe it was better that she was gone if he was going to stick around and ask questions.

"_So I noticed. Where is she?_"

"She's gone. You can come back another time." Kyubey was not on the list of people – if she could call him that – she would want to pass the time with while Madoka was away.

"_Do you know where she is? It would be easier on the both of us if I go to her now._" Getting him out of her living room was an enticing offer, but even if she knew where Madoka was, she wouldn't want to leave him alone with her.

"I don't." She paused, realizing that something didn't add up. "You can't sense her?"

"_No, that's why I came here. I assumed you would know why._"

"Then she's not in this reality." Any time she couldn't be found like that, she was in another plane of existence as per her duties as an artificial goddess. But it had been at least a year since that was necessary, and she always told her about it.

"_And you don't know why? That's interesting._" If it was possible for Kyubey to look thoughtful, he managed it now.

"That's her responsibility, not mine." But she was worried. If it was such an emergency that she left without notice, there was no telling what happened, or if she was in danger.

"_Of course, but I didn't suspect that this could happen without your knowing. Perhaps I was incorrect about human values._"

She pushed the thought out of her head. Kyubey would say anything he suspected was upsetting, that's all it was. "If it was an emergency, she didn't have the time."

"_I see._" He looked out a window, but didn't continue the conversation. "_If she's gone, it would be a waste of effort to stay here when there are others who want my help._"

She wasn't about to ask him to stay and make himself comfortable. "I'll tell her you were looking for her."

"_I appreciate it._" He pushed the window open further and hopped onto the sill, leaving her alone.

It did leave Homura wondering what had Madoka so busy she took off like that. She didn't think anything of it when she couldn't sense her, but Kyubey's ability to detect other magical girls was much stronger than her own. However, she doubted she was in danger. It was selfish to be upset that she didn't tell her what was going on every moment in her life if she was only going to be awhile a short while.

Madoka did return within the hour, coming through the front door like any normal person. "Oh, you're awake, hi." She kicked her shoes off as she greeted her.

"Where have you been?" It sounded like she expected to be back before she woke up, but she had been awake nearly an hour.

Instead of answering, Madoka sounded uncharacteristically defensive. "I was just out."

Homura looked at her, concerned. "Are you okay?"

Madoka's face softened. "I'm fine, sorry."

"What happened?" She turned off the TV to pay full attention to her. It sounded like she had a rough time.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." She crossed the room to sit next to her.

"Are you su-" Madoka cut her off by closing her mouth over hers. They broke apart after a moment, and she stared into her eyes.

"Everything is fine, stop worrying." She held a hand against her cheek and smiled. "Do you not trust me to be okay?"

"Of course I do." Madoka pulled her closer and she laid against her shoulder. "You just looked stressed, sorry if I pried."

"I love that you're concerned though." She rubbed her shoulder absently. "You don't have to worry about anything."


	3. Wouldn't You Do the Same?

**Chapter 3: Wouldn't You Do the Same?**

Memories of Madoka returned when she joined the new universe, as if she had always been there. Mami and Kyoko hung around with her like old friends, and her parents weren't sure why they were so irrationally happy to see her wake up in the morning. More than anything, Homura was happy to be able to actually see her again, and the others could finally know her too.

Kyubey had spoken with her about it, at first skeptical of her claims, but he remembered having a similar conversation with Homura years previously. Above anything, he was interested in a sudden spike of energy that followed Madoka's return.

"_If your story is correct_," he said, "_then it's possible being tied to so many timelines caused the energy around you two to become culminate together now._"

"What does that mean for us?" She was responsible for the universe, and needed to know as much about it as she could.

"_With this sudden influx of energy, it's possible for us Incubators to leave the planet. You two have created enough energy to hold back entropy for longer than we can calculate!_"

Madoka thought briefly before speaking again. "So you aren't staying any longer?"

"_We've surpassed our quota for this planet overnight._" He stared at her, tail flipping back and forth but not moving otherwise. "_It's likely that we'll be called back, and will find another planet._"

"And what about the magical girls that are still alive?"

"_We aren't going to form contracts with any more girls. Some of us may stay and collect the remainder of their energy, but it won't be profitable enough to stay much longer._"

Madoka nodded. That sounded efficient, but it didn't work for her. "Are you planning on staying?"

"_I can't say for sure, but I'm the only Incubator assigned to this area. I'll most likely stay because you and Homura Akemi are the focal point of so much energy._"

"Could you do me a favor and do your best to stay?" There was a good chance her own plan could work out.

"_I'm not entirely familiar with your concept of favors, but do you have a particular reason for my staying?_"

"I wouldn't ask you to stay if I didn't have a reason." She looked at him as seriously as she could. "And I can make it worth it for you. If energy can still be collected through despair, you'll want to be here."

"_That's an intriguing offer. Can you elaborate?_"

"I'm still not sure how well it will work. That's why I need your help." Good, he was willing to stay and work with her. He was the only one who could help her and would keep quiet about it.

"_I'm afraid I won't be much help if you don't explain what you need._"

"I just have a question, and you can help me test some things out. Like a trial run." Or a lab rat.

"_I'll help as much as I can until I have to leave this planet_."

"Do you think it's possible I could take something from a different universe and bring it into this one?" She hadn't tested crossing the universes with anything except herself yet.

"_I don't know anything about your abilities, so I couldn't say for sure._"

Madoka looked him over and nodded once more. He was something that even if destroyed, would just come back. "I thought so. Come on, I'm taking you to another universe to find out."

* * *

"Homura-chaaan." Madoka flopped over onto her lap, pinning Homura's arms between her own legs and her body.

"What is it?" As much as it might have inconvenienced her, she didn't show any indication.

"Guess what?" She rolled over to face her.

Homura sighed and asked, "What is it?"

Madoka stuck her lower lip out in a pout, but didn't force any guesses out of her. "I have a surprise."

"If it's a surprise, why would you ask me to guess?" She raised an eyebrow as she looked down at her.

"Well…." She hadn't actually expected an answer at all from her, so a guess wouldn't have ruined anything.

"Care to explain what it is?"

"Nope!" She was excited for it, though. When Homura opened her mouth to speak again, she held a finger up to her lips to close them. "I can show you." She'd been practicing for so long to get this right.

Homura watched her as she pointed to the opposite wall. A hole tore in it, revealing a strange emptiness inside. "Isn't that..." She trailed off, apparently unable to place it.

"I learned I can transfer things from one universe to another." She sat up and pulled her off the couch towards it. "It's a space between realities, you should see."

It was out of place against the off-white wall, a dark streak of splotched colors. Blue, purple, black, red, and some even unidentifiable smeared together like a madman's paint canvas. A few white blurs came and went like falling stars. The floor was solid, but indiscernible from the rest of it and it seemed to go on forever. She led Homura in by her hand, and the hole to their apartment closed behind her.

"What is this?" Homura held her hand tightly and stood close to her, eyebrows furrowed.

"I already told you." It was impossible to tell just by looking at it, but it was a plain room, no more than 20 feet across each wall. They didn't need any more than that.

"Doesn't this look like a witch's barrier?" She visibly tensed as she said that, and for good reason; witches and their labyrinths didn't exist in this universe.

"I was able to pull one into our reality." She beamed, ecstatic that it had gone so perfectly. "And I was able to take control of it and manipulate it."

Homura was silent, clearly unsure how to take this. She supposed she would be surprised too, if she just found out. These were so dangerous, but she had been practicing and it was totally harmless on its own now. Eventually, she was able to ask, "Why?"

Madoka turned to face her and pulled her into a hug. "I wanted to see if I could, so I could show you. I didn't think you'd be so scared." There were so many bad memories associated with these, but she had her reasons.

"No, it's impressive." She hugged her back, face down against the side of her head. "I'm sorry, it's been a long time since I've seen one."

"It's all right to be scared." She ran her hand along her back. "I thought I could help you stop being so upset whenever you think back on it." Any time the past was brought up, she would freeze and become too uncomfortable to speak.

"Thanks." She didn't deny being scared, that was perfect.

"You know I love you, right?" Madoka tilted her head back far enough to look into her eyes.

Homura looked at her like she wasn't even sure why she asked that. "Of course, I love you too."

"I'll help you, we'll work on it together." She stepped back and held her at arm's length. "Okay?"

"I'm not sure this is necessary, it's all over." She bit her lower lip and looked off to the side.

"That's great." Madoka smiled one last time and looked her over. "I'll be back soon."

Homura snapped her head up when she dropped her arms. She stepped back and opened a hole in the floor to drop through back into the living room and sealed it behind her, only hearing a cut-off "Madoka!"

She checked once more that it was completely closed before saying, "It worked, you can come out now."

Kyubey stepped out from under an end table. "_I have to be honest, I didn't expect that to work as well as it did._"

"All that matters is that it did work." She turned to look down at him.

"_So what's your next course of action?_"

"Waiting." She sat on the couch, and Kyubey followed her up. "You won't need to come back for at least a week, and even then I could make do without you."

"_And what about her?_"

"She's probably confused right now, or scared, and waiting for me to come back." She sounded so wonderfully panicked in that last second. "Maybe she only thinks it's a joke. I'll explain it to her eventually."

"_I don't understand your human values, but isn't this sort of behavior considered cruel?_" he tilted his head in her direction.

"Of course not, I love Homura-chan," she said as if it was obvious. "Wouldn't you do the same for the person you loved?"

"_We incubators don't understand love, either. But Sayaka Miki said what she did was out of love for that boy. This seems like a much different motivation._"

Madoka laughed; it was amusing how little he understood. "Sayaka-chan had already seen Kamijou-kun broken and was given the opportunity to fix him. Why shouldn't I have the same chance?"

Kyubey lowered his head and sighed. "_I'll never understand you humans and your morality._"

"You don't have to understand it." As long as he continued to help her, it didn't matter if he understood why she needed to do this.

"_Then I should go, I have other things that need taken care of._" Kyubey turned, but stopped to look back, paw still raised in the air. "_Before that, can I ask why you chose this path?_"

"I thought I explained this to you." She thought for a moment, but couldn't sort out the countless years in her memories. "It must have been during that repeating month."

"_You and_ _Homura Akemi have both already told me of this repeating month._"

"It's about that. In one of the earliest ones, I asked you about it. You said that her time magic revolving around me probably gave me the ability to remember each one." They never were able to confirm why, but she didn't need to know why to continue.

"_That does make sense, but it doesn't explain anything_." He sat back down to listen.

"Homura-chan didn't know that I knew. I wanted to see how far she would go before giving up." She didn't expect much from her at first; she was quiet, not very brave, and seemed to stumble through life more than herself, in an endearing way. "But about a year later, she changed. She really was serious about saving me."

"_If she wanted to save you, then why would you do this?_"

"I told you, it's because I love her." He was usually so perceptive, but didn't seem to pick this up. "She was just mentally deteriorating each time, and I got to see it. But by the time I let her go, she still hadn't _broken_."

"_And you wanted to watch her break?_" Now he was getting it.

"Exactly. Those 12 years built up, and she's a complete wreck now!" She couldn't stop smiling at the thought. They were long, long years, but she got to watch her the whole time. "But she's still too observant, so I have to do some of the work myself."

"_And what's going to happen in the mean time?_"

"I have everything arranged, but she'll be fine. Without a human body, the only thing I have to watch is her soul gem. If it blackens completely, I'll have a hard time getting her back."

Kyubey looked at her almost incredulously, but she might have been imagining that. "_Do you really think it'll work?_"

"She's either so far gone it won't take much effort, or she's too adjusted to it and I won't be able to push her any further." Madoka felt her chance of success was high enough that it was worth it to try.


	4. Do You Trust Me?

**Chapter 4: Do You Trust Me?**

Two weeks had passed, and Madoka hadn't seen or heard from Kyubey. She couldn't put this off any longer. Or rather, she suspected there would be better results if she waited, but was too impatient to see how far along it was. She would have to continue without him.

The apartment had been much lonelier than she expected with Homura gone. Waiting to see her again had been absolute torture, but now they could be together. But she still probably had work to do first, and as much as she wanted to stop and just bring her back, all this time and effort would have been a waste if she did that. She opened a hole to the barrier and closed it behind her as before.

It was exactly the same as she'd left it, and she'd felt a small sense of pride that it worked, even if it was just a small empty room. Most importantly, Homura was still there against one of the invisible walls, arms hugging her legs to her chest and hiding her face in her knees. She snapped her head up when she heard her come in, and Madoka noticed she was in one of the worst conditions she'd ever seen her in, even including years fighting Walpurgisnacht. Her eyes were wide open and hollow like a frightened animal's, she shook uncontrollably, and didn't look like she even believed Madoka was there.

She knelt by her side before she could leave where she was sitting, but she didn't look like she planned on moving. Madoka put her hand on her shoulder, and she flinched at the touch, but reached her own hand up and held it to her fingertips, as if making sure that she was really there. "Homura-chan, I'm back."

"What happened?" Her voice was smaller than she had ever heard it, and was rough from either disuse or a raw throat.

"I'm sorry about that." She leaned in to wrap her arm around her, but Homura threw herself into her and gripped the front of her shirt so tightly it threatened to tear. Her shoulders trembled so hard Madoka found it hard to keep her arm against her, because she kept shaking it off.

"Where did you go?" She took longer to respond than she normally would.

"Calm down, I'll make it better." Madoka hugged her tighter. It was almost upsetting how depressed she looked. She didn't want to scare her this much, but she did wonder what state she would be in if she had waited for Kyubey. Perhaps she accidentally pushed her closer to her breaking point than she originally intended.

She pulled Homura's hand up in front of her to see it, taking a look at her soul gem. The jewel on the ring was too small to see, but she could sense it, and just how close it was to its limit. And it was dangerously close, but another of her abilities was to purify soul gems, this time just enough that she wasn't going to die yet.

"How are you feeling?" Madoka asked, but she didn't get a response other than Homura shaking her head. She wasn't sure if she meant she didn't want to answer, or if she couldn't. But that was all she needed to know.

"Homura-chan, do you trust me?" She nodded this time, immediately. "I'm glad." This wouldn't work if she didn't already trust her completely.

Her grip on her shirt was still tight, but she gently pried her off. Homura held her hands flat on the ground, not resisting, but still pushing against her as close as she could. "Are you going again?" She managed to speak, almost too quietly to understand. The shaking that had gradually started to stabilize came back.

"No, I'm going to stay right here with you." If she left now, it would probably work towards her goal. But on a more self-gratifying level, she didn't _want_ to leave. Homura was so scared, and she needed her, and it was so undeniably cute.

"Please don't go." She begged as if Madoka didn't just say that she wasn't leaving.

"Shh, I'm right here." She held her free hand against her jaw and brushed her lips against hers in a soft kiss. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Is there something wrong? You can just take us back." Homura stared down at her hands, balled into fists, which trembled as much as the rest of her.

Madoka sighed; she hoped it wasn't going to come to this. "We can't go back yet," she said as gently as possible.

"Why not?" Her voice skipped as panic spiked.

She placed one hand on top of her head briefly before pulling her hair ribbon out. "I'm borrowing this for a bit."

Homura stuck her arm out to grab her wrist. "Don't go."

"I told you, I'm staying with you." Madoka pulled her into a proper hug, holding her arms to her lower back. "Just hold still, okay?"

She didn't resist, and whether she was too tired or just didn't want to fight, Madoka wasn't sure. "What are you doing?"

"Just trust me and relax." She took the ribbon and tied her wrists together, magically enforcing it.

"I don't-" Madoka kissed her again, parting her lips with her tongue and quieting her protests. She returned it this time, eyes falling shut as she did.

"You just said you trusted me. Were you lying?" Homura shook her head but didn't speak. She allowed Madoka to guide her to standing. "Then show me."

"What are you talking about?" She could hear how much more nervous she was getting just from how her voice changed in pitch.

Madoka was quiet as the floor slowly dropped out from under Homura, but the ribbon stayed in place by a magical force, keeping her suspended in the air. She'd practiced this often just to make sure it was perfect. Homura breathed heavily, shifting around uncomfortably but had nothing to move against as long as she was floating.

It was such a simple idea. Their artificial bodies made them able to withstand high levels of pain, but it could only take so much at one time. All she had to do was find that limit, and the continuous muscle strain of being supported in such an unnatural position sounded like a good way to feel it out.

"Madoka what-" She was cut off again, the sharp sound of a slap echoing throughout the barrier. A red mark was already shining on her cheek, and her mouth hung partially open in shock. Something that minor was unlikely to actually hurt.

"I told you, just relax." She touched her face where she had hit it, a little upset at herself for how hard she had done it. If it was already threatening to bruise, they wouldn't have much to build up to.

"But what- _nng!_" Madoka pulled back her hand and hit her again. Her own hand was also slowly turning red, but the stinging she associated with it wasn't there. It felt the same as when they held hands just moments before. She supposed that meant she was going to be able to keep this up longer than she thought she would.

"I don't want to tell you again." She didn't like how serious she sounded, but speaking gently wasn't doing anything. And she was usually so smart, too. She assumed she would pick up on this quickly.

Homura didn't say anything this time. Her head was still turned to the side, face unreadable. She could make out confusion, that was obvious. The rest was fear, perhaps. She had never seen her like this, and could only assume she was terrified.

"Why are you so scared?" She didn't think it would hurt like this to see her shaking just because she was there.

She opened her mouth to speak, but quickly shut it again and shook her head. So she wasn't asking any more questions. But Madoka realized that wasn't what she wanted either. She had to remain responsive to be any good, but not constantly question what she was doing.

"You can talk, it's okay." She leaned down to meet her at eye level.

"You…." She swallowed before continuing and hung her head down. "Why are you-" _smack_.

"I said you can talk, not ask questions." This was frustrating, she thought she really had it. She desperately wanted this to be over so they could return home again like normal.

"What am I supposed-" Another slap.

"What did I just say?" It was the very last thing she said seconds before. Was she just too upset that she was losing her hearing? That couldn't be it, she was responding to her normally enough.

Homura was silent for a moment before answering, voice shaking and nearly past the point of recognition, "To not ask questions."

"Good, I knew you could listen." It felt strangely unsatisfying, not like she expected. She thought that getting to this point would be a positive step.

"But I don't understand why you're- _ah!_" It must have been starting to hurt.

"That's still a question, no cheating." She did admire how she tried to work around it even when so distressed. But she wasn't looking for her to hold herself together so well.

Homura fell silent other than her heavy breathing, but that wasn't her goal either. _Smack!_ "Don't just stop talking, I came all the way here to talk with you."

"Then what..." She trailed off before she could complete the question, but didn't follow it with anything else. She flinched as Madoka hit her again.

"I honestly didn't think that far ahead." It wasn't really Homura's fault, but she considered this a new step in the plan that she kept changing.

"I..." Once again she trailed off trying to find a way to phrase it correctly. She saw Madoka raise her hand again, and she quickly shouted, "I don't know you want!"

Madoka stopped with her hand still in the air, and then lowered it. That was a fair statement. She ran her thumb along her jaw and tilted her head upwards to get a closer look. Her forehead was soaked in a panicked sweat, and her cheeks were wet with fresh tears.

"Please don't cry." It hurt to look at and know that she caused it; years of preparation and she had never considered this. She tried to wipe her face dry, but Homura winced and tried to pull away. When she didn't comply, Madoka clenched her fists in frustration.

"_Ahh!_" She pulled her hand back when she heard Homura scream and yank herself away. The tips of her fingers and under her nails were stained with blood that hasn't been there before.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that." She just got mad and it happened before she realized her hand was against her throat.

Homura wasn't understanding of the mistake, and was doing her best to glare at her. She flinched away again when Madoka reached for her.

"Stop that!" _Smack!_ Originally she just wanted to brush her hair out of her face, tell her she wanted this to be over just as much as she did, but she hit her again, leaving traces of blood smeared on her cheek. She just got _so mad_ whenever she freaked out and tried to back away.

They weren't getting anywhere like this. She had to figure out what she really wanted from this, and had to stick to it. Every time she saw her like that, scared and angry and already a general mess, she became distracted and didn't want to continue.

Madoka turned around to collect her thoughts. It was hard to focus with the infuriating sound of quiet crying behind her. She held a hand to her face and took a deep breath before turning back.

"Do you know why I have you here?" Madoka turned back to look at her, and she shook her head slowly. _Smack! _"Just answer me properly." Her own voice was on the edge on instability.

Again, she lifted her hand and held it back. "I don't!" She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled back. "I don't know!"

"Would you like me to explain?" She kept her arm raised.

Homura began to nod but stopped in the same instant. "Yes."

"I have to fix you," she explained.

"What's wr- No there's nothing wrong!" She choked on a shout as Madoka grabbed a handful of hair and yanked her head up.

"I can't fix you if you aren't broken, Homura-chan." It made it more real for her to say it, and much easier to focus on. They should be used to it by now, having to suffer like this to earn a better life.

"Madoka no- _nng!_" Madoka pulled her head back down, smashing her knee into her chin. She was thrown into a coughing fit and spat blood onto the floor. This was necessary, she continued to remind herself.

"Relax, we'll get through this together." She leaned over to wipe blood off of her shin, only staining her hand further.

"Don't." She looked at her, more desperate than she'd ever seen her. "Madoka don't do it. Let's just go home."

"Believe me, I want to." It hurt, she could barely handle how much it hurt. "But nothing will get better if we don't do this."

"It's good now!" She struggled against the ribbon, panting, but it didn't move. "Are you saying what we had wasn't good?" Her head whipped to the side as she hit her once more.

"I said not to question me." They weren't going to make any progress if she wouldn't accept anything. "This is going to take so much longer if you don't listen and get better."

"Madoka please." She was stuttering more than she was speaking. "Please don't. Just stop."

"Don't tell me to stop!" _Smack!_ That just made it harder. They both had to agree that this needed to be done, and it was upsetting to hear her say that. "I'm going to show you. Everything is going to be much better when you learn that."


	5. Why Like This?

Huge thanks to Markus Ramikin for letting me know the formatting in this chapter borked. It should be fixed and readable now (hopefully without sending out new email alerts to those following; sorry if that happens).

* * *

**Chapter 5: Why Like This?**

Madoka made regular visits over the next several weeks, each one the same as the last. She worried that they weren't getting anywhere. The first week she thought they were making so much progress. Questions stopped, but nothing replaced them except silence, which only served to annoy her.

Silence was the exact opposite of what she wanted, and nothing she did brought them back. She hadn't heard a word out of Homura in a week now, not even a "Stop" or a "No!" The only reason she knew she didn't break something was the frequent grunt or pained shout. Communication was important for a healthy relationship, and if she didn't speak, this would be wrong.

This time was no different. She backed away the instant she entered – Madoka had to add a step to the process and enter through another barrier after she tried to escape through the door between them – and hugged her arms over her chest. Just like always.

"How are you feeling?" And she always tried to make her say anything. Once again, she didn't have an answer. The only thing she got was her leaning away.

"Don't be like that, I told you, I'm just making it better." She reached a hand out to brush some hair off her shoulder, but Homura kicked the ground to scoot back several inches and hid her face in her knees. Madoka dropped her smile, and withdrew her hand with great effort.

"I have a surprise for you, you'll love it." She had a plan. Today was going to be different, and they were going to make some progress this time.

If she heard her, she didn't react. "Don't you want to know what the surprise is?" She knew that surprises weren't her favorite thing, but this was going to be good.

Still no answer. "Not even a guess?" Nothing. "Well, we haven't gone anywhere in a while, even when we were at home. It's time for a vacation."

She lifted her head at this, but her expression never changed from painfully neutral. She was hoping for any sign of excitement or surprise, maybe wide eyes or raised eyebrows. But that was more than she'd gotten out of her with words alone in days; she would take what she could get.

"I found another empty barrier we can go to for the day." Her shoulders dropped just a hair and her face twitched, but she didn't move otherwise.

This was a perfect plan. The witch whose barrier she was using was originally a magical girl in Nagoya whose family worked long hours, often cancelling weekend plans. She wished for them to go on a real family vacation, to Okinawa Island's Emerald Beach. The barrier wasn't exactly a real beach, but it was so close she couldn't believe it until she checked it out.

"Get up, we're going." She did her best to not sound like she was commanding forcefully, just letting her know that's what they were doing. Just an adamant suggestion. She didn't fight when she took her hand and led her through a hole in the wall to the next labyrinth.

Their feet hit sand first, each grain of sand a different color, putting the ground somewhere between a smudged rainbow and a gray mess. It was a small island, at least small enough to see the coast on every side from where they stood. The water was a dark forest green, probably the least unnatural thing around.

"What do you think?" Homura didn't respond, other than squeezing her hand tighter and stepping away. She seemed interested though, and looked around at everything. Everything you would expect from a beach was here, like sea shells of varying colors, large enough to fit inside and most of them covered in spikes. And a shining sun, although there were three of them, which made it unpleasantly bright.

"I cleared the barrier of familiars already, so it's perfectly safe." The corpses of several of them that she hadn't yet discarded littered the shore, pushed further inland by the waves. They looked like four-legged fish painted with watercolors, with enormous toothed bird-like beaks. Originally very dangerous, but she killed them with barely a thought.

"Sorry, I should have disposed of more of the bodies. But I was in a hurry." She worried it was making her uncomfortable. "I can clean this up now if that would help."

Still no response. She dug her fingernails into her palm and frowned, pointedly turning her head away. This was supposed to make her relaxed enough to speak again, and show her that she loved her even though she didn't understand. It was the only fatal flaw in her plan: if Homura didn't get that it really was out of love, she wouldn't love her back the way she wanted her to.

"I set up a table for us." Before this, she had brought in everything they would need for a beach date, including a wooden picnic bench. It wasn't based anywhere in her reality, but they could still spend a day having fun by emulating the natural world for her.

She let go of Homura's hand to sit across from her. "I made us lunch, too." She never picked up cooking even with her dad as her teacher, but she did her best. Surely it would show her love better than if she bought something. And sandwiches were impossible to not make tasty. Shaved ice, too, the absolute epitome of summer fun.

"I'd ask you how you've been doing, but I already know that." That wasn't a good topic, this was supposed to be a break from the routine conditioning. She had to come up with something casual to make her comfortable. "Hmm, did you have anything you wanted to talk about? Or any questions?"

Homura ate her sandwich in silence, staring intently at it and showing no interest in conversation. She didn't even look at Madoka, appearing to go so far as to look at everything else, but carefully not passing her eyes over her. That was easily the most frustrating part of all. They were making progress before, and she would even say she was becoming compliant, but she shut down completely soon after.

"It's no fun if you don't talk." She kept up the conversation anyways, because someone had to. Maybe something would spark an answer. "We haven't had time like this in too long, I thought you would have something to say."

She was motionless for several moments before shaking her head and shrinking back. Only a week ago she had found that to be one of the most infuriating responses, but it was the first response she'd received that wasn't only expressing pain. She smiled and leaned forward, excited to keep it going until she could eventually get her to speak.

"Come on, nothing else?" She pouted as she looked at her, slumping over the table to lean closer to her. "I'll answer anything, even a question. Go ahead."

She shook her head again, less hesitant this time; she at least understood that she wasn't getting hit for speaking out of line today. That was the first step in the right direction in longer than she was happy with. Madoka barely resisted throwing herself over the table to hug her, she was so excited.

"Well, just tell me if you do have something to say. I'll listen." She couldn't keep the bright smile off her face, almost brighter than the suns, making it difficult to eat.

This time she nodded, hopefully acknowledging that she knew it was okay. But she still wasn't making use of it. She wasn't going to push her, they had all day, or even longer if she wanted. That didn't mean she couldn't encourage her though. Total silence would only enforce the lack of conversation as allowed.

"Isn't this nice?" Even she wouldn't claim that it was ideal, but far better than the past weeks. "I miss this, I wish we could do this more often. Don't you?"

She gripped her hands into tight fists before nodding and backing away the tiniest bit. Madoka couldn't be upset about that, she would have been surprised if she denied it, although it was disappointing that even after she said she could say anything, she still felt the need to put that much more distance between them. If anything, she was being honest even though she was scared the honest answer would be the wrong thing to say to her.

"We could, you know? As soon as it gets through to you, we can do this as often as you want." Maybe this would be the incentive that pushed her to where she wanted her. Just show her how much better it would be afterwards. No response to that. "It's okay, we'll fix it together just like I said. I promise." Years on her own left her to heal any mental damage improperly, like a broken leg left unattended. The solution was the same though; she would break it again to heal it in a controlled and proper environment.

Homura lowered her head further and took a sudden interest in her fingernails. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably even though she gripped the edge of the table. That was no good; Madoka stood just to move to the opposite side of the bench, next to her. She didn't pull away, but tensed severely.

"Calm down, Homura-chan." She leaned over to hug her, arms pressed against her sides and spine straight. "Nothing is going to happen today. You just have to relax and enjoy it now."

When she didn't respond, didn't even move, she stretched up to push her cheek into hers, and stroked her hair from the back of her head to the middle of her back. "Relaaax," she insisted, drawing out the word. She just wanted to work out some of the total stiffness from her entire body. Cuddling was no good if she could be substituted for a rock with no noticeable difference.

Several minutes passed when she eventually moved, like a rubber band snapping under pressure. Her arms fell limp, shoulders slumped over, and she all but collapsed into her. She shoved her face into Madoka's neck to hide it, and she felt a sudden hot wetness on her skin.

"Don't cry." She shifted to pull her in closer, and she fell against her, throwing her arms around her waist. "You're alright, I've got you."

"Why?"

"Hmm?" Madoka practically jumped when she heard that. Just a word, but it was the first real word she'd heard from her in so long.

After considerable hesitation, she repeated, "Why this?"

"I've already told you. Is there something you don't understand?" She was sure she'd explained every single step so far.

"Everything. What happened?" Apparently she hadn't been as thorough as she thought.

Madoka had to think of how to explain what was going on in a different way than before. She could've been delirious after everything. "Well, what do remember of what I told you? Do you understand anything at all?"

"You've already told me." Her voice was muffled as a result of burying her face. "But _why_?"

That was a silly contradiction. "Because I have to fix-"

"I know that!" She squeezed her tighter and spoke loudly enough to drown her out. Madoka only hugged her back while she vented her frustrations. "But why are you doing it? Why like this?"

Homura wasn't seeing the connection between fixing her and the past weeks. "Do you understand that you're broken?"

"I'm not." She shook her head. "Everything was fine, we were happy."

"I met you before you were like this, you can't be happy if you changed that much." She was surprised that first timeline when she came to school, hair down and calmer than ever, and as she considered the first sign that she was going to snap at some point. Through it all, she managed to recover time and time again. If she was truly back to normal now, she wouldn't still act like she did when pushed so far. An obvious inarguable, improper healing.

"Nobody made it through that the same. We all changed when you left." The new universe had changed every magical girl along with the circumstances surrounding their existence, being made fully aware of the risks of the Law of Cycles. Sayaka died because of it, and Mami and Kyoko were more cautious than before. But that wasn't the kind of change she was talking about. She was different even before that.

"No, I stayed the same." This wasn't an opinion based on clouded memories like Homura's, she could physically look back and see just how similar she was from the beginning to the end.

"You changed!" She stopped, catching her breath for a brief moment before continuing. "You're different from then. You never would have…." Madoka assumed she meant her recent actions, based on her refusal to continue.

"No, I would have done anything to save you, just like now. But I never had the means to do it." That was impossible to argue, she had literally died to protect her already.

"This isn't saving, Madoka." She ducked her head down further and pushed closer, as if guarding against possible physical retaliation.

"No, it is, you just don't get it yet. But you will soon." This was going to be harder on Homura than she thought if she was this confused. She slipped her hand under her shirt to rub her back gently. "Please just go back, like before." She flinched when she touched her, nearly jumping out of her skin. Madoka gritted her teeth, but continued the soft movements of her hand. Just calming her down so she wouldn't be so afraid. "S-Stop!"

Madoka froze, pulling her hand away as she was made aware of the feeling of skin under her fingernails. "I'm sorry, that was my fault." She healed it for her before it could take a toll on her soul gem, only light scratches, but it shouldn't have happened in the first place. All she could do was heal it to show that she really did feel bad.

"How's your soul gem, by the way?" That should've been the first thing she looked at, but she was so excited for this. Homura held her hand out silently and pushed away a little when she took it. "I'll fix this for you, too." It was dark, nearly fully corrupted, and may have been part of the reason she was acting so gloomy.

For the first time in so long, she fully purified it. She didn't perk up at all like she hoped, but she appeared less on the brink of death than before. Her skin was immediately less pale, and her eyes regained some of their shine, more like she should look.

"Do you feel better?" She shrugged in response, but her grip on her hand tightened. It was much stronger than before, hopefully a sign that she was feeling better and more likely to cheer up.

"Don't just stop talking now, it wasn't your fault." Madoka was going to be upset with herself if a careless mistake set her back again.

"We should go back." Thankfully she did continue talking, sounding more steady and confident, all because of that little rock. "We can just go home."

"I've already told you that we can't do that." She didn't like having to tell her no, but she liked it even less that she continued to ask the same things.

"Yes, we _can._" Already she was more defiant, acting more like her recent self, but not how she really was before. This change was her exact problem. "Nothing is stopping us, we can forget this ever happened and leave."

"I'm sorry, but you're the one preventing us from going." She thought there was no problem at all, so Madoka felt bad telling her that she was the problem. "You have to understand that before it's safe to let you out."

She looked down at her lap, gripping her hands into tight fists. "I'm _fine_. What's wrong with you?"

"Me?" Not a question she expected, considering Homura was the one not acting normally." "I've already told you there's nothing-"

"There is something wrong with you!" She pounded her fist against Madoka's shoulder, but jumped back the instant it made contact. After she didn't move to hit her back, she continued, more quietly this time. "You can look back, can't you? To see how different everything is."

"I did, and that's how I know what changed. Don't you remember anything from before?" It was silly to assume she hadn't already done that. She was just as logical and clear headed as before.

"How can you…. You really don't see it?" She fell silent.

"Your memories fade like a normal person's, but mine don't. Everything I say is a fact based on that." The sooner they cleared that up, the better.

"But I _know _nothing like this ever happened." Still, she continued to argue, but Madoka finally figured out why she was so confused.

"It's not the actions that are the same, it's the motivation." She cupped her face in her hands, leaning in until their noses were just inches apart and ignoring when she tried to pull away. "I never stopped loving you, and I knew you'd be happier if you changed back. You never seemed happy after that."

"That was only because I failed to save you, not because I was any different." She turned her face to the side as far as Madoka allowed. "It's unrelated."

"It's like I told you; if it was unrelated, you wouldn't have stayed like that. You would've reverted to the way you used to be once I came back." Either she picked up on it or was tired of arguing, since there wasn't an immediate retaliation.

"Do you get it now?" Madoka didn't let her hopes high, but this was a promising-sounding silence.

Homura paused and stared with confusion clear on her face for several moments before answering. "I don't know." She shook her head. "I really don't know."

"Take your time." She hugged her, pulling her head to her chest. "You're smart, you'll pick it up."

"I just want it to stop," she said as she leaned into her.

"It's up to you how long the confusion lasts, just accept it and it will go away." Was this a breakthrough? Madoka realized she wasn't sure what sign she was looking for, but if she stopped arguing and became confused, that had to be caused by instability. One step closer to the edge.

"Will it really? She grabbed a fistful of Madoka's shirt.

"Of course, that's why you're so upset. You're just confused." It wasn't the exact reason, she was sure of that. But if she didn't know any better, then she could tell her anything to speed the process along. It was dishonest, but for the best.

She didn't get an answer to that, but was surely that was enough conversation. The arguing stopped, and she was finally considering the possibility that she was wrong. But that's not even what they were here for. This was supposed to be a _break_ from that, and here she was taking advantage of her confusion. "Have you ever built a sandcastle?"

Homura almost looked afraid to answer, "What?"

"A sandcastle. You know, a castle made from wet sand." She had been on a few trips to the beach with her family, and she wasn't spectacular at making them – not nearly as good as her dad was – but she always had fun with them. It would hardly be a beach vacation if there wasn't a sandcastle.

She shook her head but didn't offer further explanation. "You haven't? Well, you did say you were in the hospital a lot as a kid. But it's not too late, we can do it now!" It had been a long time since she made one too, so she was just as excited to do it again as she was to teach her.

Madoka grabbed her hand and pulled her up again, towards a section of coast not littered with the corpses of familiars. She laced their fingers together, realizing how much she missed that feeling. She hadn't felt her hand against hers in weeks, or been able to rub the back of her hand with her thumb the way she always did just to feel it under her skin. Homura seemed more responsive to this too, but it was so slight she could have been imagining it.

"I didn't think to bring anything for digging," she admitted. This was a spur-of-the-moment decision, and she hadn't brought anything she would typically take. She was too excited for this to happen to remember to bring anything like shovels or towels or other things she would bring as a kid. "But the sand is so soft you won't need it. You'll get sandy, but that happens no matter what. It's part of the fun."

"How do you do it?" she asked slowly. Madoka smiled almost too widely for her face; this was exactly what she wanted today. Normal conversations like this.

"Well, you just pile up the sand for the base, and then you can put more sand on top to make towers or whatever you want. I'll show you, it's hard to explain." She found a clear spot to sit, digging her toes down into the sand to make sure it was wet enough. "I think it'll be really pretty with the rainbow sand here. And we can dig a moat too."

She sat next to Madoka, who had already busied herself by piling up sand into a large dome. "Like this first, so that it won't collapse." It went quickly, but she enjoyed working together on something. Even before this started, it had been too long since they spent time like this. The fact that they were doing this was enough to justify in her mind that her actions were right.

When their pile was about the size of a basketball, she flattened it into a more cube-like shape. "You have to make towers in the corners. You just…." She trailed off as she grabbed a handful of sand and stacked it on top, forming a rough cylinder. "Like that, and then you make it taller."

"Like this?" Homura had another started on the opposite side.

"Exactly like that!" Nothing was as fun with her gone, and she missed this sort of thing. Time passed without a reliable way to track it, as two of the suns had had set at different times while the other remained stationary above them. If this weren't a barrier, she might have appreciated the view of the ordinary blue sky melting into the sunset orange, setting unnatural shadows on the rainbow sand. The green ocean slowly turned a deep shade of red the lower each sun fell.

"Do you know what time it is?" There was a line of sandcastles along the coast when Madoka asked this, a result of what might have been hours of work that they were done with now. She didn't bring any way to tell time, it didn't seem important when she had nothing else to do.

"No." Over the course of that, conversation had finally become casual, relaxed even. She answered easily, sitting right against her and using her shoulder like a pillow now that they moved back to the bench. They started a campfire on Madoka's insistence that the setting suns meant this is what they were supposed to do.

"I don't either, oh well." She knew she wouldn't know the time any better than she did, but she just missed talking _so much_. More than she thought she did, now that she could again. She found herself saying anything on her mind just to speak.

There was another silence between them, and she broke it as quickly as she could. "Do you want another marshmallow?" She reached into the bag she brought with the rest of their snacks to pull one out.

"No, I'm done." She sat still as if it was silent. "Mm, alright." Madoka would have sat up to toast it herself over the fire, but she was too happy where she was to move. Instead, she wrapped an arm around her and toyed with the marshmallow in her opposite hand. "I think it's getting late."

"I can't tell." She glanced up at the sky, which was as bright blue as it would be outside.

Madoka's heart clenched; she wasn't ready for it to be over, but she'd accomplished what she needed. Drawing it out any longer was going to give her second thoughts, and they were too far in to safely back out. They would have to return to the previous routine once she left, but it was so nice like this. She considered it just a preview of how great life would be when it was done, something to look forward to.

Steeling herself, she decided she had to be done. "It's almost time for me to go." Homura's hand, which was resting against her leg, tightened into a fist immediately. "What's wrong?"

"Don't go." Madoka took a deep breath and sighed. This was why she didn't want to tell her she was leaving, but it wasn't fair to go without warning.

"I already told you I would have to leave." She placed a hand over hers and squeezed as she tried to pull her off, but she resisted and didn't move.

"Don't." Homura turned her wrist to hold onto Madoka's hand as tightly as she could, painfully tight as her fingers squished together. "Please don't. Just don't go."

"Hey, don't make this any harder than it has to be." She wanted to stay just as much as her, but there were things to be done that this was only stalling.

"Don't go." She pushed herself into her, repeating that softly like she couldn't say anything else.

"Come on, I'll see you again soon. If I don't go, you'll never get better, and we can't be together." She didn't even refute it this time like she had before, only offering an endless stream of "don't go" slurring together.

Gritting her teeth, Madoka dug her thumbnail into the spot between Homura's index finger and thumb until she shouted and let go of her hand. "I'm sorry, we really need to go."

"Please…." She begged her one last time, voice faltering.

Madoka's heart skipped. It had been a while since she'd heard her sound like that, mostly because she stopped speaking entirely. Hearing her again like that, so small and broken and needy, nearly made her forget everything for the immediate gratification of fixing it. But she had to push on, and she pulled her forcefully up by the collar of her shirt.

"We're done for today. Let's go." The soft words had to end somewhere, and right now was a good point. Better now than putting it off until it was too late to sound stern again.

Instead of fighting with her, she opened up the hole to the usual barrier underneath them and they fell in. "I'll be back soon, okay?" She was met with a too-familiar silence. "Did you hear that? I'm going now, I'll come back." Nothing.

She looked down and dug her fingernails into her palm. No hitting today, even though it was over. She promised that much, not matter how frustrated or upset she became. "You don't have anything to say before I go?"

Nothing again. Madoka gave in, and threw herself at her for one more hug, probably the last time she would get to do so for another several weeks. "Please get better soon." She didn't move to return the hug or back away, already having shut down like before, totally still aside from her quivering jaw.

"I promise I'll come back. And I'll make this all better. I always keep my promises with you." She bit down on her lip to steady herself and backed out of the barrier before she had the chance to think about staying longer.

The first thing she did when she was back was turn and drive her fist into the wall where the hole to the barrier was seconds before, bloodying her knuckles as she started to cry. This was _so hard._ Homura really was strong if she could spend those years trying to save her when she refused to be saved for so long, and she started to doubt whether enough resolve to break that determination.

"_So how did it go?_" Madoka turned, holding a hand to her face and breathing deeply to settle herself when she saw Kyubey perched on the couch.

"I didn't ask you to come today." In fact, she remembered specifically telling him that she didn't need him and that he shouldn't come.

"_I had assumed you would. It's on schedule, is it not?_" She narrowed her eyes at him, not feeling well enough to deal with him. He definitely knew he wasn't supposed to be here and was just a hassle.

It was dark outside, probably close to midnight. Bed sounded like a good option, and a vast improvement over dealing with Kyubey. "I don't have time for you to sit and question me, I'm going to sleep."

"_That badly? I had assumed something went wrong given your state when you returned._"

"Come back later." She slammed her bedroom door behind her, like an angry child arguing with her parent. It wouldn't stop Kyubey, but he picked up that this was a bad time and she wasn't going to answer him. All that was on her mind was crying herself to sleep and hopefully waking up in a better mood.


	6. Just Do Your Best

Head's up that the massive block of text in chapter 5 has been fixed, if you haven't noticed that yet.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Just Do Your Best**

Madoka had a hard time keeping herself away when she wasn't in the barrier. Weekly visits turned into every five days, then every four, and then every three, becoming more frequent every time she thought she got closer. It just made sense that the more time she spent with her, the faster this would go. As she got used to it, she became less reluctant to go in.

She had marked seven weeks on a calendar since this started. It felt like so long ago that she started, and like things should be done by now. Seven weeks was such a long time, she had to be close.

It was getting repetitive though, and she couldn't risk her getting too used to what was going on. She knew the internet was a great resource, but until now she couldn't imagine the kind of inspiration it could be for this kind of thing. Today, when she went through the barrier, she kept a knife from the kitchen held behind her back.

"Homura-chan? I'm here again." She stepped in, walking towards her. Homura didn't move away anymore when she came in, like she was at least resigned to it. She chose to take that as a good sign.

"Feeling better today?" Madoka didn't wait for a response, knowing she wouldn't get one. "You really do need to get over this, I'm used to waking up alone now. I don't want to have to live without you."

She circled around and crouched down behind her. "Come on, give me your hands." She reached over and pulled them behind her, no longer having to fight her for it. Over the past several weeks, she had perfected an invisible bind to keep them tied together.

"How much longer do you think this will take? Can you at least give me an estimate?" She tugged one of her arms back, testing that they were bound properly. "I'm getting impatient, I was hoping to have you back by now."

The complete silence and refusal to answer was something that she adjusted to and now expected. "I thought of a way to fix that. Ah, I should probably apologize in advance."

"What are you doing?" she asked, voice unsteady.

"You know what I said about questions." But she didn't feel the need to hit her for that one.

"I'm sorry." She spoke quickly and flinched away.

"No, that one's okay. We're in this together, you have the right to know what's going on." She brushed her hair to the front of her shoulders. "Did you know that if we get cut, it heals immediately and doesn't even leave a scar?"

She took a deep, shaky breath before speaking again. "What do you mean?"

"Right here." Madoka held her arm forward, holding her wrist towards her. "Well, you can't see it because it healed. But I did cut it."

Homura tensed and pushed back into her, swallowing audibly. "Actually I can show you. Watch." Madoka picked up the knife from where she dropped it and dragged it across her thumb. It cut into it painlessly and she felt her skin splitting open but nothing more.

"What- no!" She kicked back, but only slammed into her. "Don't, Madoka don't!"

"Shh, if you calm down it'll go faster." She pulled her into a hug from where she sat, hand healed already but still coated with a thin layer of blood.

"Don't do it!" Madoka held onto her arm and leaned in for better leverage, making it impossible for her to get away no matter how hard she fought.

"It doesn't hurt at first, calm down." It was just a motivation, more of a scare tactic.

"Madoka please." She had her held tightly, pushed down onto the ground and unable to move.

"Just relax." In any normal situation, they would be more evenly matched physically. But she was easy to overpower right now and struggled uselessly against her.

She had stopped begging and just panted, face against the ground and teeth gritted. "I told you, I only want to make you better. Sit up, it feels bad if I have to force you down." Madoka pulled her upright, a little roughly as she tried to stay down.

"Hold still, it's alright." She jerked away, but Madoka twisted her arm until she couldn't pull back. With her free hand, she held the tip of the knife below her shoulder blade. "You know that I love you, right?"

"Stop!" She acted like she didn't even hear her. Maybe she really didn't, she was breathing so heavily it might've drowned out her voice.

"You should listen when I'm talking." Madoka pushed down until just the tip broke the surface of her skin. "See? It doesn't hurt."

"I'm listening!" She turned and tried to yank herself free, but Madoka dragged the knife down. "Stop, I can hear you!"

"I told you, it doesn't hurt." This was less deadly than a stubbed toe or paper cut to an ordinary person. Nothing she should be worried about. She watched the skin knit itself back together, leaving no trace it was ever there. "You can trust me, I don't want to hurt you."

Madoka ran a finger along where the cut was moments ago, leaving a trail in the still-wet blood. It felt just as seamless as anywhere else, if a little slippery. "It's already healed, just like I said it would."

"What do you want? Wait, don't!" Homura yanked away when she began to repeat the cut.

"I already told you what I want. But if you still don't get it, then it wasn't working." She watched it as it sealed again and readied another. "You just have to listen right now."

With no response to that, she continued. "Good. I think we've made a breakthrough, don't you? This was a good idea."

The sound of frantic breathing was the only sound when she wasn't talking. "I think it's coming along great, maybe we'll be done soon. I'm sorry it took so long to realize it wasn't working, we might've already been back to where we were before."

"_Ahn_!" Homura jolted at that one, throwing herself forward to get away.

"Are you okay?" Madoka kept a tight grip on her arm and pulled her closer.

"Stop!" She arched her back when Madoka held the knife to it again. "_Stop it!_"

Madoka reached around and held her hand over her mouth, bracing her shoulder with her elbow to keep her in place. "I said all you need to do is listen. You don't need to talk to listen."

She fought back, thrashing and trying to wiggle free, screaming muffled by Madoka's hand. "Settle down or it'll take longer." She leaned in so that she was right up against her ear. "I love you, okay? I still love you."

Homura shook her head, nearly slamming the side of her face into Madoka's nose. "You'll figure it out, that's what this is for."

She held onto her until she stopped moving. "I'm your friend, alright? I always have been. And I'm more than that now. If I wasn't, I would have left you like you were."

More quiet screaming as it dug into her skin. "You should've come around sooner, sorry. I tried to tell you that." Her hand was suddenly wet, and she rubbed her eye softly with her thumb.

"Stop crying, I told you I don't like that." She pressed her lips to the side of her forehead as she spoke. "It's done soon, I'm only here to help."

Every time she pulled the knife across her skin, she got louder. They were still healing seamlessly, even if she did look like a dying mess. "It shouldn't hurt once it heals. Are you scared?"

She nodded shortly, whole body trembling uncontrollably. "Don't be, all I'm doing is helping. You shouldn't be afraid if someone who cares about you is trying to help."

Madoka paused to listen to her for a moment. From this close, the constant sound of strained breathing and hushed wailing was rather loud. If there were any other sounds in the barrier, she felt like she would have trouble hearing them.

"I'm going to make you better, you just have trouble understanding that." She put the knife down to hug her, running her hand up and down her leg. "Do you have anything to say about it?"

She slowly removed her hand from her mouth, giving her a chance to speak, but she was immediately hit with an ear-piecing cry. "Ah, did you not want to say something?"

Homura spent several seconds fighting to catch her breath, inching away from Madoka until she pulled her back. "Y-you…." She stopped speaking, choking on her words and throwing her head down in violent sobbing.

"Calm down, I just wanted to get you to listen." Madoka stroked the back of her head, carefully avoiding touching her back which was caked in drying blood. "Please don't cry."

She didn't stop, attempting to speak again but finding herself unable after forcing out only a syllable. "I'm sorry, but if you don't want to talk, I'm going to have to continue."

"No- _mph_." Madoka took her wrist and shoved her against the ground again. She pushed her arms to her upper back and held her down.

"We're going to rush through this, alright?"

"D-d- _ahh!_" Madoka didn't have a free hand to silence her like this and she flailed on the ground. "Ss- _nn, haa!_"

"Just do your best to listen, I'll try to speak over you." She was yelling loudly, but it wouldn't have come to this if they finished when she planned. "We're getting through this together."

"_Mm._" She couldn't tell if anything she said was getting through.

"Do you see anybody else here? It's just us." More moaning louder than her voice. "Nobody else is here for you, just me."

"_Nng._" She shook her head.

"I'm the only person trying to save you. Just like you did for me." Homura still shook her head. "I told you, I'm your friend. Your girlfriend. If you had other friends, they would be here for you."

"_Ahn!_" She squeezed her eyes shut and fell still, finally no longer struggling.

"You have to believe me, I _really _want to help. But you don't see it." She sighed, hesitant to hope that it was getting through. Regardless of progress, she would have to be done soon, there was only so much she could handle. "Friends help each other, and all I'm doing is returning the favor from middle school."

* * *

14 weeks marked off on the calendar. Three and a half months since she started. 14 tiresome weeks, and they were becoming repetitive. She had run out of new things to try and missed the physical contact that some of the more drastic ones didn't provide. Aside from fighting to hold her down, she hadn't had enough.

The knife she set aside for this or even the brief experiments with fire couldn't substitute sitting down next to her peacefully. Madoka took her hand and wrapped her arm around her middle to keep her still, twisting her arm back. If she let her mind wander, this was almost like lounging around the house holding her hand just to feel her next to her.

"I really do miss you." She bent her wrist back as she spoke. "You told me you loved me back, but you're still resisting."

"_Nnh._" Homura's breath caught as she forced her arm higher.

"You don't even have an answer, do you?" She held it in place when her hand was above her head. "You could at least tell me if that's a lie, and we can be done sooner if I know the full truth."

"I d- _ah,_ I did!" Her voice shook as she tried to pull away.

"And what about now? It sounds like you don't anymore."

"_Hng-_" She looked down and refused to answer.

"I hope for your sake you do. Because that's what I've been trying to work on this whole time." Madoka pulled just her forearm back towards herself. "If you don't, I'll just have to remind you that you do. But that'll take a lot longer."

"_Nng!_" It was hard to tell if she was trembling in fear of the threat, or from the constant strain.

"If you don't tell me, I'm only going to assume the worst. And we'll have to keep going." She pulled back further, slowly. "Today's easy, it can be like a break to prepare for it, if you want to look at it like that. I was sure we'd be done by now."

"I- _ah!_"

She eased up and let her arm move closer to a natural position when she heard her try to speak. "What was that?"

Homura panted heavily, but she didn't attempt to repeat herself. Madoka sighed and pushed it up further than it was before, ignoring her loud protests. "Don't say something if you aren't going to actually say it."

She pulled until it wouldn't move any higher and held it in place there, worried something was going to break if she kept at it. It was too early to crack a bone, or worse. "Do you feel like telling me now?"

"_Nn._" She shook her head and gritted her teeth together.

"Alright." It didn't feel like it was too early anymore. She held her arm tightly and twisted until there was an audible snap, and enough screaming to drown it out. "You can try again when it heals."

Madoka loosened her grip just enough that the bone would be able to bind itself together again. Colorful bruises on her upper arm disappeared as quickly as they had appeared, and she held it still so that it would set cleanly. "Are you ready to talk now?"

She shook and opened her mouth, but didn't speak. "Come on, one more chance, I don't want to have to do that again." If she didn't have her hands full holding onto her so that she couldn't move, she would have rubbed her back supportively.

Nothing again. Still paying no mind to her shouting, she twisted quickly until her shoulder cracked. "It'll be much easier on you if you just answer."

If there was a response mixed in with the crying, she didn't understand it. She waited in silence for it to fix itself before continuing. "Do you really want to stay quiet now?"

"I, _ahn_, I…." She trailed off, choking as she tried to catch her breath again.

"I'm giving you one last chance before I do it again." Her grip tightened around her arm.

"_Sst- aah!_" Another snap punctuated the screaming.

"Quiet down and try again." Automatic healing was always convenient, but this was something she never thought about as a child. She'd held shattered bones to make them heal in one piece before, even some of her own, but never like this.

"I don't have anywhere else to be, so I can keep this up as long as you want." It was still early in the day, not that she had a strict schedule to adhere to on days she reserved for this. She always kept them open in case they ran late.

Madoka readied another when Homura finally yelled, "I'm sorry!"

"What about?" She could just barely understand her past the sobbing fit she'd thrown herself into.

"I'm sorry." That didn't answer her question, but she was surprised to get a response that she could understand. She fell back limp against her, stopping her escape attempt.

"How are you feeling?" She hesitantly let go of her arms, ready to yank her back into place if it was a ploy, but she only flipped herself around to awkwardly hug her with her good arm.

"I love you too." She could barely get the sentence out completely, crying into her chest more than she was speaking.

"I see." She spoke shortly, shaking as much as her. It had been way too long, and she couldn't believe it even though she wanted to. She swallowed and returned the hug, careful to not shake her injured shoulder around as she pulled her up higher.

"I'm sorry, I love you too." Anything else she tried to say was obscured by her inability to speak properly.

"No, I don't blame you." Madoka wanted to cry with her, but she had to be the strong one between them, because they were finally done. "Let's go home, Homura-chan."


	7. Why Would I Be Mad at You?

I don't know how much time I'll have at a computer this weekend, so because this is the last chapter, I'll put it out early instead of potentially waiting all weekend.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Why Would I Be Mad at You?**

"We should bake a cake to celebrate you coming back." Madoka suggested this in the afternoon three days after Homura's return, when she first woke up and dragged herself out of bed. She'd done nothing more than mope silently and sleep too much, and it was time for things to go back to normal.

"If you want." She stood in the entrance to the hallway and watched Madoka closely.

"Get over here, you're helping of course." It would be a chance for them to bond again and patch up any hurt feelings.

"A-alright." She moved into the kitchen with her, standing a foot back as she pulled out bowls and a large cake pan. "Do you know how?"

"Why wouldn't I? Papa and I made them together all the time." She checked items off a list as she took them out of the pantry.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have questioned that." She gripped the edge of her shirt and looked down.

"Silly Homura-chan, I'm pretty sure I've made cake before." It was hard to remember anything related to desserts, as Mami was their supplier for so long.

"Of course, I couldn't have forgotten that." She stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen, watching her arrange the ingredients.

"I said you were helping, why are you standing over there?" Madoka looked over her shoulder as she scooped sugar out of a bag.

"I'm sorry." She took a step forward, but froze in place. "What do you need me to do?"

"There's a list here, you just have to put everything in this bowl." Basic cakes were so simple even she never messed them up. It was the perfect activity to bond, because it couldn't go any less than perfect.

"See? It's easy." She playfully flicked a bit of flour at Homura, who jumped away and dropped an egg on the floor.

"Ah, I'm sorry!" She fell several steps back and threw an arm over her head.

Madoka reached out towards her but she pulled away. "It was just an egg, it can be cleaned up." She walked up to her and brushed the flour off her shoulder.

"I didn't mean to." She looked away, but Madoka put a hand under her chin to turn her gaze back.

"It's not a big deal, okay?" Hand still held to her face, she stood on her toes for a kiss. "I'm not mad at you."

"Okay." She nodded in understanding.

"Why would I be mad at you about it? I love you." She toyed with her bangs, looking directly into her eyes as she spoke.

"I love y- " She stopped short as Madoka dipped her finger into the bowl of flour and swiped it down her nose.

"We're supposed to have fun." She giggled at the sight of her confused and flour-smudged face. "So relax and have fun."

"I'm going to clean up the mess first." Homura backed away and grabbed a handful of paper towels when she was released.

"No, you shouldn't yet." Madoka took her wrist, and she flinched but stayed quiet. "We'll do it all at the end, while it's in the oven.

"If you're sure." She turned back to look at the list when Madoka dropped a second egg on the floor to emphasize her point. Homura's head whipped around at the sharp noise.

"Of course I'm sure. It's just an egg, we have more." They were making little progress on the actual cake, but cake wasn't her plan. This was successfully relaxed and fun for the first time in months. "Oh, what flavor should it be?"

"Whatever you want."

"Boring answer." She stuck her tongue out, but looked at the baking directions. It was plain, so she had to come up with something. "I don't know what we have, but I could just run to the store.…"

She trailed off, but her thoughts were interrupted by an immediate, "Don't go!"

"What's wrong?" The store wasn't far, barely a block away.

"Please don't leave." She threw her arms around her and held tightly.

"It was only a suggestion, I'll stay." Madoka returned the hug, stroking her hair gently. They were silent until she pulled away, reaching back to pry Homura's hands off her shirt. "I think we have strawberries, we can use those."

"Alright." She willingly stepped back, apparently satisfied with her answer.

"Just follow the rest of the directions, I'm going to cut them." Strawberry cake was her favorite kind, this was still a great plan. She set them onto the cutting board and began to slice off the ends.

Her work was interrupted by a loud yelp and the clatter of a metal spoon hitting the floor. Homura backed up against the counter, breathing suddenly much heavier. "What's wrong?" She shook her head but said nothing. "I thought we were over this. It's alright, you can tell me."

Madoka frowned when she still didn't receive an answer. She ran the possibilities through her head when she got an idea, and held up the short knife she was using to cut the strawberries. "Is this what has you scared?" The frightened squeak that followed confirmed it.

"Don't worry, that's over. This is just for cake." She lowered it and sighed. "Calm down, nothing's going to happen."

She hoped that would be enough for her to shrug it off, but she didn't move. "I'll show you, come here." Madoka took her hand again and stood behind her so that they were facing the counter. She had to lean around to see past her, being too short to look over her shoulder.

"You hold the knife like this, and you won't cut yourself." Her hand was closed over hers, guiding it, and holding it tightly enough to stop the trembling. "And then you put it where you want to cut... If you don't stop shaking, it's dangerous."

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"You should hold your hand back, just in case." She spoke calmly in hopes of settling her down, but she yelped and struggled to get away when the knife was brought down.

Madoka set the knife aside and released her. "We can work on this later, okay? We're just going to have fun right now." They had just gotten through so much worse than a silly fear. Getting over it would be easy in comparison. "I'll be over here, don't worry. Put the cake in the oven for me."

She went so far as to move the cutting board further away, hoping it would make her feel more comfortable. With the batter ready, she stirred in a handful of the thick slices, leaving the rest for decorating the top. "I don't know if this will work, but the important part is we tried."

"I agree." She moved to clean the eggs that were drying to the floor when Madoka laughed and stopped her.

"I guess it's been awhile since you used magic. I thought you would realize it by now." With a thought, the floor and counters were as clean as before they started. "We have almost 40 minutes to wait now."

"Of course." She looked down, face thoughtful, but didn't offer a suggestion.

"Did you have something you wanted to do until then?" She already decided that being quiet or gloomy the whole time wasn't allowed.

"Whatever you want to do."

"Nothing at all? Really?" Madoka hugged her and laid her head on her shoulder, ignoring the hushed nervous whimper. "You've been gone for so long and you can't think of anything?"

"I'm sorry, I can come up with something if you want." She was close enough to feel her heart rate spike.

"No, it's okay, I have a few ideas." She wound her arms around her a little tighter and leaned in to touch her nose against her neck. Her hand played against her back absently as she spoke. "We'll be done before we need to take it out of the oven."

In the end, they had gotten distracted and left the cake in too long. The cut strawberries on the counter had begun to wilt and weren't as bright as when she first took them out. And because she couldn't go to the store, they had no frosting and only dusted the outside with sugar. It was a barely passable effort, and a far cry from a proper dessert.

But she didn't care. She had no reason to care. All that mattered is that she had her Homura-chan back, and they would be together like this forever.

* * *

AN: Happy end.

It's not actually happy, and I feel the need to repeat nothing is condoned or remotely okay and this is severely abusive behavior that should not be romanticized or glorified or trivialized.

As I said before about this being influenced by Nightfoot, a lot of research material for this was in her reference bookmarks, so big shoutout to her for helping me get through this as realistically as possible. Her sources were primarily Chinese treatment of American POWs in the Korean War and the deprogramming of cult members in the 70s and 80s. If you want to look into that, a lot of it is heavier than anything in this fic (partially to avoid getting into pointless torture porn territory) and depressing.

Relevant, but not required, part of chapter 4 was rewritten in Homura's point of view as per an ask box meme on Tumblr, at: tinyurl m49574h (or you can find it linked at the bottom of my profile on this site)

Overall, thanks for reading through to the end =)


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